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Ghost of Cereal Past:

Date: 9th of January.
Time: 18:48 PM.
Condition: Stable. Itchy and annoyed at Starcraft.

The scanner is now functioning. So the backlog is two comics. Wednesday for the next two weeks will help catch it up. I can finally put this rant to death, and clean it up so that it's actually useful rather than a log of 'crapulence'.

Chris:

Note: There was a massive gap here where all that happened was me babbling about this and that, and instead, I've supplimented the important part of the rant and removed the other crap. We join me being sick of explaining, and actually starting to rant. Let's go see!

Ah hell, may's well put up what I've been up to in the meantime... Basically I'm still trying to finish any game that just happens to be lying around. You play it for a few days, and let it slip when something else comes around. Such is life. But I really do enjoy finally beating a game, no matter how old it is, or what for that matter. In that sense, I've been averaging about a game a day. I don't remember the order, but I'll put down games worth acknowledging (ones I lately finished, of course. Sheesh...).

Edler Scrolls III - Morrowind (PC): Now this is the newest and latest game I have on my system. It chugs, it's nasty, there is more fog than on a winter's day in Britain, and it played like a graphics-dependant MMORPG. Still, it was fun. I haven't played a game with such depth, or such exaggerated staggering around a world until the welts on your feet start resembling world leaders in the 1800's. There was decent eye for detail, but the characters were rather static, and the 10-20 skins became samey and annoying after a while, but it's still probably the best RPG to date ((kicks the stuffing out of those awful Baldur's Gate games, and clones)). A-anyway, Dagoth Ur was the most pathetic end-boss since the floating faetus in Half-Life. I didn't even get to kill the idiot. While I was laying into the Heart, he had fallen into the bloody lava. Don't play the game for the ending, but play the game.

Wing Commander - Privateer, Part II - Righteous Fire (PC): You're an uncharismatic, self-serving, womanising bastard who only has eyes for Number 1, which he also resembles. Think Han Solo without the illeged mojo. You also happen to be the best privateer in the sector. Go figure. The plot is the usual kind of thing. In part one, boy finds artifact. Boy gets hunted for said artifact. Boy uses artifact to find powerful ancient alien gun. Boy gets hunted HARDER for said gun. Ancient alien garbage scow pursues boy. Aliens charge powerful ancient alien gun. Boy kills scow. Part two revolves around said gun being stolen, then ends with the destruction of said gun, and all of the clones the Church of Man mass constructed on Kilrathi ships. OK, so maybe it's not that usual, but that's the best part!

This game, for the early Ninties, has all of the freedom and avenues that games of today could only dream of. Do whatever the hell you want! Fly around all of the available sectors! Bounty hunt! Commit piracy! Run contriband! All in the name of profit. Rig your ship to be the nastiest in the system. I can't begin to explain how much I love this game. I'm revolted that the stupid Wing Commander series went off in that stupid war tangent when this game was golden. A diamond in the rough. I urge strongly that anyone that finds this in a bargain bin, or at a game trader, to pick it up and give it a play. You won't regret it.

Gauntlet Legends (Dreamcast): OK. So it resembles the original games the same kind of way that Episode 1 retains the same kind of heart that 4, 5 and 6 had. That doesn't mean that it can't be an addictive, mindless hack and slash that causes you to suddenly lose three or four hours of your life here and there. From what I do remember of the old games, keep in mind that I had the wrong platform back then, you had keys, spawns and a time limit. They kept two of the three. Then again I never really liked the time limit in any event. Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, ad nauseum. Kill a few bosses, kill some more, kill, kill. That about sums it up.

It doesn't require thought, and it's a silly kind of addictive. Without having to tank currency into the machine to go back and earn life back on the first level, (for some reason you can't buy life from the shop when you're supposed to be able to), the game is made a might easier. Just so long as you have 'X' amount of life, any boss will die. As I said, not exactly the most stimulating game. It's so unstimulating I'm repeating myself for lack of anything to say. Only good if you have a few friends around to share the continual carnage. Oh, and it's funny everytime the announcer says "Red Dwarf".

Absolutist.com's Showcase (PC): Seems the folks at absolutist.com enjoy faux plagiarism. I'm not too certain what safeguards are in place so that the older games aren't recreated, but as soon as I downloaded their Bubble Shooter 5, I was instantly reminded of an old arcade game that featured those lovable dinosaurs from Bubble Bobble. I can't remember the name, but they had that cannon, and the different coloured bubbles to pop. Or whatever.

Anyway... they overcharge for registration to games that have been around for at least 10 years. $50 AUS to register a game that could be snatched on a arcade emulator if you really wanted to. Despite all of that, the little things are highly addictive and got quite competitive here. Heh... I won, but that's besides the point. Other games they copied also include the likes of Space Invaders, Arkanoid and Pac Man. If you do try the games, I strongly suggest you just go and find the originals.

Sentimental Shooter (PC): I can already hear Mark laughing... OK. One of my most beloved game genres comes under the title "Japanese Scrolling Shooter". There's something about dodging a continual barrage of ammunition while obliterating your foes that really shows that the most remedial abilities a gamer requires come out to shine. Hand eye coordination, observation and speed all come into play.

Before I digress, let me tie this up. No matter how many I play, there isn't really all that much of a diversity. It's all pretty much shoot, kill, done. Not this one. There's a twist... To be perfectly blunt, you cannot complete a level unless you completely obliterate the clothing being worn by anime-esque schoolgirls. Each piece of clothing has regions that must be shot, an order of types, as well as damage required. The scrolling is static unfortunately, but it allows you to learn the order of the level. Each level is divided into two parts: to destroy the outer clothing, the a boss level to destroy the 'fineries'. The bosses are insane, and really pose a challenge when you have the survive their salvoes while hitting the 'ground targets'. An extra hindrance is having your attention drawn by... background distractions.

Bottom line: the concept is sound but the finished product is highly perverse and relatively pornographic. I doubt heavily that anyone that reads this comic is under 18, but just in case, don't get it if you are a minor of your respective countries. Apart from that, it's quite challenging, and those of the finer sex that enjoy this genre may be able to block out the H-material and like the game on the logistics and playability. Of course those of the courser sex will more than likely enjoy the game on the whole. I'll provide a link, but I stress this is a game for people that enjoy the genre, and not those who just like hentai, although you will probably get it, and just suck. Ha.

Here's the link. Try not to hit it too heavily. See? I managed to review this seriously.

That will do. I was going to go and finish Starcraft, but it's my worst genre. TBS *shudder*. Uhh... well that's about it. On my 'to do list' is Privateer 2, ChuChu Rocket, Sonic Shuffle and may-ybe Bubsy on the Mega Drive? Or Super Metroid 2 on the SNES. I don't know... I should probably look for work.

Oh yeah, and as with all games, I normally block out just how horrible the background music is, and just play some CDs/MP3s...

This is a weapon of Terror. It is used to intimidate the enemy. *casts it aside* THIS is a weapon of War. It is used to kill the enemy - Richard Dean Anderson.